Eddie Korkis Profile Page on Nextcat.com

Why, I am the most intriguing man in the world. Scientists often ask me for a chance to prod around my neuropaths just because they find me interesting. I single handedly restored temporary peace in Palestine, convinced Obama to run for office and consumed 8 Twinkies and twenty seconds without having them previously removed from their wrappers. I have scaled 14 of the world's largest mountains using only a rope, pickaxe, and ham sandwich. I once read two editions of the Encyclopedia Britannica in one bathroom sitting. I grapple, I back flip, I know 6 forms of self defense and I can stand on my tip-toes all day long. A vial of my sweat sells for triple digits on Ebay because it contains a chemical that is the strongest pheromone known to man. I currently have three monuments erected in my image in two different countries, one which is secretly hidden within the catacombs of the Vatican. I eat a strictly meat diet, run eighty-two miles a week and shave every other day using a hammerhead shark tooth. I was offered a scholarship to two different schools in the United States on the premise of changing their mascot to an image of me. I speak fourteen different languages, thirty-six dialects and drink two-percent milk. A small birth mark on my left thigh was recognized by the four leading churches as the true map to the Holy Grail. Blind women recognize me by face. I have been invited to six different Supreme Court hearings so as to provide an outsiders opinion. I have a sixty-four inch vertical leap, 18/20 vision and an annual pass to Disney World's Magic Kingdom. I follow the stock market, religiously watch NBC's Thursday night line-up and have a pet ferret named Lou. Twice a day I check my blood pressure for at least two forms of good news. I one time lent my mother money, which she returned in a month. I collected interest. I have been seen shaking hands with Fidel Castro, Yasir Arafat, Tom Delay and two of the three Wiggles. Once a year I drop off presents at Santa Claus' house for which I always receive a "thank you" card. I took the Coca-Cola Challenge and won. I have been nominated six times for the Nobel Piece Prize, winning in four different categories. I have participated in two active wars, took a missionary job in Tanzania and currently act as a mentor for the underprivileged. I have been directly quoted in multiple church sermons, represented two political parties and got my braces off six months early. So obviously I'am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Iraqi refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I cook thirty-minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in woodwork, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a plow and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious red ants. I plays bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Marlins. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Sundays after church, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children and dogs trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish my dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; and when I do sleep, I sleep standing up, eyes open. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. oh yeah, if you dont believe me or can't take a joke, kill youself. I'll give you the razer or rope.